tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
