final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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