I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
