she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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