i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
