Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
