I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
