Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
