i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
