hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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