I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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