Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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