Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
So gin and wine won't be happening again
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
