Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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