How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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