Swine flu. Run for my life!
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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