You made me cry and you don't even care
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
