we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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