It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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