I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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