Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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