That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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