i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
