doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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