"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
