I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
What did we do last night that was yellow?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
