I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
