you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
