im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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