it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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