i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
