I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
