i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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