Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
