i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
