Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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