I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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