you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
