9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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