I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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