she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
