If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
