My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
