So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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