I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
