things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
