I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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