Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
