"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
