Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize