she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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