I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
