just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
