The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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