rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Your penis caused this!
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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