and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
