My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
