Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
