So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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