i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
