only you would photoshop your dick
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
