I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
