I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
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