No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
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