so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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