I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
