she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
