He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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