Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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