At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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