Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
