birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
