I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
