Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
