I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
