Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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