My first STD was from a foam party
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
